Tagged: nautical

Nautical Flags and Relationships – for the Ladies

Now a lot of my feminist readers (thanks Germaine) got all in a huff that the ladies didn’t have flags to wave in a relationship. My last post certainly saw a chorus of interesting opinions from both guy and gal.  So to keep the ladies included, I’ve  derived a set of equally usable and apt nautical flags that the ladies can use to communicate key thoughts, feelings, needs and emotions to their special gentleman friends.

You need to understand, however, that a guy will use a flag to communicate a simple, specific meaning. The ladies on the other hand – much more difficult. So I’ve tried to distil the ladyflags down to the key messages that I hope you gals would want to communicate to your gentleman lovers. I’ll still keep the original nautical code, for context.

So, here goes:


Nautical code: I am taking in, discharging, or carrying dangerous cargo

Relationship code: This flag is aptly named, in nautical themes, the ‘red flag’. If a gal waves it to you, it means she’s, well, its that time. The dangerous cargo referred to could be anything from a kilo of chocolate to a box of tissues (deadly in the wrong hands)


Nautical Code: “Yes” or “affirmative”.

Relationship code: When a gal waves the ‘Charlie’ flag, it usually means ‘yes’. But it might not. It could mean ‘I dare you too’. Or ‘Yes, but if you do, you can get used to the couch. So it’s a yes, but it often has certain, unstated (or unflagged) caveats.


Nautical Code: I am maneuvering with difficulty; keep clear

Relationship Code: I’m driving a manual, stay off the footpath


Nautical Code: I am disabled; communicate with me.

Relationship Code: Something is wrong, but I don’t want you to fix it. I know you can fix it quickly, but that’s not the issue. I don’t want you to fix it. Yes I’m crying but it does not mean that anything is really that wrong, I just need to cry. I need to talk about it. For a long time. Shut up, I’m talking to you.


Nautical Code: I require a pilot.

Relationship Code: It did not look like this on the map. This is one of those times when I don’t just want to talk about it, I need you to help me find my way out of the city. Yes, that means come and get me.


Nautical Code: I have a pilot on board.

Relationship Code: My mum is driving with me. We had a lovely chat and somehow ended up on the wrong side of the river.


Nautical Code: Coming alongside

Relationship Code: I just want to cuddle. That’s all. Absolutely all.


Nautical Code: I am on fire and have dangerous cargo; keep clear.

Relationship Code: I’m moody and I don’t know why and everything you do is going to annoy me and my tummy feels sore and I just need chocolate and oh honey please give me a hug and geeze you are annoying me and why isn’t there any chocolate in the fridge and geeze no I don’t want to talk about it and I was saving that last cornetto for tonight and why do you have to be so annoying and ughhh! Can’t you just be quiet and watch Greys Anatomy with me but whip down and get some chocolate for me?


Nautical Code: I wish to communicate with you.

Relationship Code: I want you to tell me what I told you, except in a deep, manly voice so my idea sounds good and rational.


Nautical Code: You should stop your vessel immediately

Relationship code: Why don’t guys ever ask for directions! You should have stopped at that service-station and asked for directions!


Nautical Code: No or negative

Relationship Code: Definitely no. Most definitely no. Don’t even dream about it.


Nautical Code: Man overboard.

Relationship Code: If you do go out with your mates, don’t come home. Ever.


Nautical Code: Do not pass ahead of me

Relationship Code: What do you mean you will meet me at the restaurant? You are not going to pick me up from my house?


Nautical Code: You are running into danger.

Relationship Code: You are WAY PAST running into danger. Danger was minutes ago. You are way past that point. Keep digging. (Often given with ‘the look’)


Nautical Code: I require assistance.

Relationship Code: There’s something creepy crawly in my room and you need to get it out. Yes I know it’s past midnight. Yes I know you are 20 minutes away.


Nautical Code: I require medical assistance.

Relationship Code: Don’t even think about coming over until you have brought chocolate.


Nautical Code: Stop carrying out your intentions and watch for my signals

Relationship Code: I’ll tell you when it’s time for ‘cuddles’ and no, it won’t be before the end of Downton Abbey.


Nautical Code: I require a tug

Relationship Code: I’ve broken down and I don’t know how to change the tyre and I don’t want to call the autoclub cause the guys are creepy and strange and I don’t like them and they’ll be hours and can’t you just please come and change my tyre. Oh and bring me some chocolate?

So gals… Do you think it’ll take off, or should I start running?


Nautical Flags and Relationship advice for Men

You hear the term ‘communicate’ a lot when talking about healthy relationships. Communicate with your spouse. Communicate with your children. Communicate with your loved ones. Books, such as Robert Bolton’s timeless ‘People Skills’ is an excellent reference on the topic of communication.

Now I know I’m not the best at communicating – not in the spoken word anyway! So what is the modern tongue-tired guy to do, especially when engaged in conversation with his romantic partner?

He should use Nautical Flags.

Consider this. Why talk and use long words, when a simple flag would do the same job. When navigating the oceans of love, a man needs to send his partner clear, un-ambiguous signals on his thoughts and feelings. His needs, His desires.

Think about it.

Here’s some of the internationally recognised flags. See how they can apply to your relationship and really smooth things over in the communication department:



Nautical Code:  I am taking in, discharging, or carrying dangerous cargo.

Relationship code: I’ve just eaten a kebab with garlic sauce and/or I’m about to drop a brown note.




Nautical Code: Yes.

Relationship Code: Says it all.




Nautical Code: I am manoeuvring with difficulty; keep clear.

Relationship code: Don’t talk to me while I move this heavy object and/or build this IKEA flat-pack




Nautical Code: I am directing my course starboard.

Relationship code: I’m taking a short-cut.




Nautical Code:  I am disabled; communicate with me.

Relationship code: I just need to hear your sweet, sweet voice, my love




Nautical Code: I require a pilot.

Relationship code: Take me to bed



Nautical Code: I have a pilot on board.

Relationship code: I know where this night is headed (wink while waving this flag for extra effect)




Nautical Code: Coming alongside.

Relationship code: I’m about to give you a ‘no expectations’ hug, just because I fancy you.




Nautical Code: I am on fire and have dangerous cargo. Keep clear.

Relationship code: I’m super angry, possibly at you. Leave me alone for a bit to calm down.




Nautical Code: I wish to communicate with you.

Relationship code: I’m no longer waving the ‘Juliet’ flag and wish to resume waving other non-angry flags at you.




Nautical Code: My vessel is stopped; making no way.

Relationship code: I don’t want to go to IKEA, nor do I want to mow the backyard.




Nautical Code: No or negative.

Relationship code: No or negative.




Nautical Code: Man overboard.

Relationship code: Out with the boys. Don’t wait up for daddy.



Nautical Code: All personnel return to ship; proceeding to sea.

Relationship code: Everyone up to the table. Dinner is ready (can be used for children, too)



Nautical Code: Ship meets health regulations; request clearance into port.

Relationship code: My man-flu has thankfully eased and I am no longer at risk of immediate death. Come over here and kiss me like you mean it.




Nautical Code: None.

Relationship code: I’ve got no ideas on what you should do in that situation (a response to when your special lady friend asks for advice)



Nautical Code: Do not pass ahead of me.

Relationship code: I bags the toilet first when we get home.



Nautical Code: You are running into danger.

Relationship code: That’s really annoying me. Alternative meaning: concentrate on the road, honey.




Nautical Code: I require assistance.

Relationship code: Can you please make me breakfast?



Nautical Code:  I require medical assistance.

Relationship code: Man-flu ahead. Look after me.




Nautical Code:  I am dragging anchor.

Relationship code: This shopping trolley is heavy and I am board.



Nautical Code:  I require a tug.

Relationship code: hmmmmm



Nautical Code: Stop carrying out your intentions and watch for my signals

Relationship code: Please, please, just be quiet and listen.



Nautical Code:  Message is understood.

Relationship code: Yes dear.

After talking to some of the guys at work, it was evident that one flag was missing. One flag that almost every guy should have at his disposal. The one flag that will be hoisted often. The flag that gets hoisted when none other fits. That flag? The White Flag!

Best of luck, fellas!