Tagged: drink

Open letter to the family after Grandpa’s birthday


Dear Family,

It certainly was wonderful seeing you all at Grandpa’s 80th birthday on the weekend! I think we all agree that for the most part, it was a wonderful event!

I just needed, however, to apologise for the state I got Grandpa in. It was never my intention for him to drink that much and I honestly did not know he had already enjoyed some pre-party schooners at the bowls club beforehand.

Grandma, I’m sorry that in his inebriated state Grandpa relived the night you both met, or as he calls it, that ‘night of bliss’. Whilst he might have been quite handsome back in the day, he certainly is not a ‘silver fox’ these days.

You will all be glad to hear that we have found most of Grandpa’s war medals. How he threw them that far into the dam is anyone’s guess.

Needless to say, Grandpa is quite ashamed, as am I, about his shenanigans on Saturday night. I know he is quite embarrassed about saying those things about your ex-girlfriend, Jason, but I think we all agree that you were a putz for breaking up with her.

The good news is that the drink didn’t affect Grandpa’s warfarin and he didn’t wet the bed, like he did after Oktoberfest last year.

Thank you all again for making the night a success. I again apologise. If I had known Grandpa enjoyed those drinks before at the bowls club, I would have never gotten out the tequila.

Warmest regards,



An open letter to parents after Zoe’s party

The Vodka-Strawberry Creams

The Vodka-Strawberry Creams

Dear Parents (and children) who attended Zoe’s wonderful party yesterday,

Thank you all for making the afternoon a success!

On the whole, everyone had a great time, especially Zoe. There is, however, an issue that has been raised with me. An issue that I know we can all resolve with poise and respect, as I know you all will do.

I know that many of you are upstanding, Christian people and citizens of high morals. I certainly did not anticipate the reaction that the ‘vodka strawberry creams’ would have. It certainly was not my intention to deliberately mislead any of you, nor did I expect anyone to consume more than three of the delicious bite-sized treats.

I have fielded some calls from concerned parents notifying that their children appeared tipsy, or even slightly drunk, after the party. For those children who ate more than ten of the special strawberries, this is highly possible. I need to point out, however, the responsibility that you, the parents also had in this situation. By allowing your children to consume more than ten of anything at a party or social event does garner the question of your child’s ability to control themselves when presented with treats.

On the positive side, many of these parents did report that the affected children did have a solid nights sleep, going down just after dinner and having a restful night.

Again, if your children, or you yourself did consume an excess amount of the (clearly labelled) ‘vodka strawberry creams’ and had adverse affects, I do apologise without reservation. One wife relayed to me that her husband consumed in excess of 15 such treats and was unable to go to work that evening.

In retrospect, I should have avoided alcohol after that incident at Eli’s party involving the ‘pirate rum balls’.

Apart from that, Zoe had a wonderful time and enjoyed everyone’s company. I trust that you and your children also had a great time at the party.

Warmest regards,

Zoe’s Dad