It’s been proven by social scientists and humanities professors that the simple child’s party has been hijacked by what could be best described as ‘dedicated mothers’. Yes, this group of middle-class white mothers have totally taken over the whole shebang of planning and executing their children’s parties. From the cake to personalised invitations (including a ‘save the date’ email’), scouring the internet for matching tablecloth, plates, serviettes and piñatas, the ‘dedicated mothers’ movement’ has ensured the suburban birthday party yet another thing that the modern sisterhood utilises in her artillery against fellow females.
Whilst they would adamantly disagree with the above paragraph, they will comment joyfully on the beautifully colour co-ordinated dessert table and three-tired cake and effortlessly organised party games, the ‘dedicated modern mother’ and secretly compare herself to the other mums in her school-mum group.
You have probably heard about the ballooning children’s party industry – jumping castles, clowns, petting zoos, fairy floss and a liturgical list of food allergens to avoid. It really is too much for the modern dad! And who’s to blame? Dedicated mothers. That’s who.
Now I know what you’re thinking. This is a blog about dads and children’s parties. So where to from here?
My best advice for dad’s, when it comes to children’s parties is to stay away. Failing that, under compulsion from your beautiful lady friend or well-behaved children, here’s some advice for dad’s, when coming to children’s parties, in no particular order:
– Whilst the dedicated mother is often said to do it for the children, you’ll find the doting husband of the hostess will have a medium to large stash of liquor hidden and is aching for an opportunity to crack it open. Now, the doting husband will be waiting for the code words from one of the dad-guests for an excuse to crack open said stash. The code-word? ‘This party business is thirsty work’! With that simple, yet time honoured phrase, the keys to the bar-fridge will be unlocked and cheer will flow.
– Piñatas. Don’t ever volunteer to hold the piñata. Don’t ever volunteer to co-ordinate the piñata. Stay away from the piñata, dads. Even if you’ve had the desired number of children, please, stay away from the piñata.
– The Birthday BBQ. Many man-hosts will have a BBQ going during a children’s party. This is an excellent place to both drop the ‘thirsty work’ comment, and, find refuge from children and judgemental womanfolk eyes. In fact, your special lady friend will be happy that you have found a fraternity of longsuffering husbands and know that, at worst, she’ll have to drive not just the kids, but you home too.
– An outdoor TV. Many modern households have some type of outdoor TV set up. Whilst the host will be too polite to say, he is waiting for the magic words ‘What’s the score?‘ for an excuse and turn on Channel 9’s comprehensive coverage of summer cricket. This not only gives you a chance to enjoy a beer and be away from hyped up children, it will give you some much-deserved peace and quiet while you and the men-folk comment benignly on the cricket.
– Manners. Ensure to tell the hostess that she has well and truly excelled herself and take lots of photos for your wife’s facebook. The dedicated mother likes nothing more for her creations to be plastered all over facebook with a stream of comments praising the mothers creativity, resourcefulness and adherence to a gluten/nut/dairy/sugar/wheat diet so all the children can have fun.
Fella’s I’m interested in your ideas. How do you survive children’s parties?