Stop listening to your wife!

Stop listening to your wife!

Yes, you read correctly. Stop listening to your wife.

“But Vidins, I thought you were all about healthy, happy marriages?”

You know what? I am.

Who has come across the doting husband and dedicated father? The one that totally loves his family? How wonderful are these men? They are home for dinner every night. They read to their children and tuck them in bed at night. They listen to their wives and are kind to them. They do all the things on the ‘chores list’ (and every family has one!) without fuss. This man delights in being there for his wife and children. He’s a great man. He’s funny and hardworking. He constantly ‘dies to self’, putting the needs of his family above his own, ensuring they don’t go without.

He’s also incredibly boring.

In an unguarded moment, he finds himself thinking about the ‘old days’. Parties. Concerts. Sports. Wasting money. The thrill of the chase. The days before responsibility and sensibility ruled his world.

So what is he to do?

Stop listening to his wife.

You see, part of marriage is growing up and growing together. It’s about learning, developing, nurturing. It’s not about losing yourself in your partner, or finding yourself in your partner. It’s about you both growing. Growing together.

I’ve always believed that being ‘too good’ is akin to being boring. Where would the highs be if it was not for the lows? The excitement if it was not for the routine? The sadness if it wasn’t for the joy? Having a ‘bit of different’ keeps things fresh.

So for once, great husbands and dads, stop listening to your wife. Just for a bit. Take a night out with the boys. Go to the game. Camp in the wild. Take a risk. Go to a quiet spot and read. Write. Think. Fish. Run. Swim. Hike. Observe. Get away and stop listening. Grow yourself. Find yourself again.

Give yourself a chance to miss her. The house won’t fall apart if you aren’t there for a short time. Your wife is a confident and competent lady, she’ll be fine without you for a bit. When you return, you will return refreshed. You’ll both have more things to talk about. More things to find out about each other. More things to wonder at, enjoy, feel, experience. You’ll have grown that bit more. You’ll want to listen to her more. You will listen to her more.

And wives, before you get all up in arms, your husband wants you to stop listening to him, too! He wants you to stop listening to the kids, the school teacher, the housework, the job. He wants you to go out, grow yourself, find yourself again and miss him! He wants you to go out, be recharged, remember yourself again and come back with fresh energy, wanting to communicate again in every way



  1. mom4peaceuu

    I’d vote for some communication on the front end. Married people need time to be with others and with themselves. PEOPLE get boring when they don’t do those things — men and women. Either gender can lose themselves in work, children, and house care. From the once-upon-a-time stay-at-home mom end, it can be easy to feel you have very little to offer in a conversation that does not revolve around kids and home. Moms need more to life, too. Everyone benefits from some time for personal growth, and time apart does build a yearning that makes for a fine reuniting.

  2. Errol

    To the point and beautifully written. We sometimes complicate things, when it’s actually easier to do the opposite. As the saying in my industry goes–keep it simple stupid. We must both recharge in a relationship, because even the sunshine disappears during parts of the day. There isn’t anything wrong with both parties utilizing this approach. Nice post here…very nice.

  3. genevieveaamel

    Totally agree 🙂 I always encourage my husband to have his boys night out watching games, drinking beer, hang out. He always comes home happier and more helpful around the house 😀 Nice writings! 🙂

  4. laurabennet

    Well, it’s a good thing my husband listens to me when I encourage him to take some time to himself, hang with his friends, grab adventure and grow. Thanks for checking out my blog. I’m glad you liked it. And, btw, my husband is one of those great guys and the most exciting, interesting and fun man I know. Just saying. 🙂

  5. revealedwoman

    I should’ve stopped listening. Or maybe he should’ve stopped listening.
    No actually he should have listened. Because if he had really listened he would have heard all the pain and hurt and we might still be together (but unlikely)
    So I would say ‘stop listening to the everyday stuff and listen to the subtext, to what your partner is actually telling you deep down inside, what they really feel’.

  6. Pingback: The Domesticated Man | vidinsinbrisbane

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s