Open letter to the family after Grandpa’s birthday


Dear Family,

It certainly was wonderful seeing you all at Grandpa’s 80th birthday on the weekend! I think we all agree that for the most part, it was a wonderful event!

I just needed, however, to apologise for the state I got Grandpa in. It was never my intention for him to drink that much and I honestly did not know he had already enjoyed some pre-party schooners at the bowls club beforehand.

Grandma, I’m sorry that in his inebriated state Grandpa relived the night you both met, or as he calls it, that ‘night of bliss’. Whilst he might have been quite handsome back in the day, he certainly is not a ‘silver fox’ these days.

You will all be glad to hear that we have found most of Grandpa’s war medals. How he threw them that far into the dam is anyone’s guess.

Needless to say, Grandpa is quite ashamed, as am I, about his shenanigans on Saturday night. I know he is quite embarrassed about saying those things about your ex-girlfriend, Jason, but I think we all agree that you were a putz for breaking up with her.

The good news is that the drink didn’t affect Grandpa’s warfarin and he didn’t wet the bed, like he did after Oktoberfest last year.

Thank you all again for making the night a success. I again apologise. If I had known Grandpa enjoyed those drinks before at the bowls club, I would have never gotten out the tequila.

Warmest regards,




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