The family Christmas Letter

The Christmas Letter. Y’know, they are usually accompanied by a picture of children smiling beautifully in matching clothes, all in soft focus? You hear about all the good stuff? Well here’s my Christmas Letter.

Dear Family,

Wow, 2013 has been a big year.

I know it’s been a year but I again wanted to apologise for the thing with the drinks and the roast. If I would have known that Suzie’s boyfriend was so straight health conscious I would not have served either of them. Never the less, I’m glad she dumped him and we can enjoy a normal Christmas again. On the topic of last year, I’ve been to a new Doctor and she’s got me on new meds so I’ve evened out a whole lot and thankfully have not had any ‘episodes’ since Sandy the dog got hit by that truck a few months ago.

So onto good news, Terry’s sentence has been reduced by 6 months for good behaviour so he should be out in May 2019, which we are naturally all very excited about. We miss him a lot, but as that nice Magistrate said ‘you do the crime, you do the time’.

Jeremy’s terrible rash is also clearing up so hopefully he should be able to join us in the pool this year for Christmas dinner. He certainly has missed not being able to have any sun exposure for the last two years.

On some practical notes, we are all excited about seeing you again this year at the farm for Christmas lunch. Pappa, can you please remember to really sharpen the axe this year? Last year it really didn’t cut it (no pun intended) and the kids were really distressed with all the blood and the pig squealing and kicking and suchlike. Uncle Jeff, if you are going to bring your special apple cider, can you please mark it clearly? I don’t want any incidents like two years ago when we had that terrible mix up and none of you could drive for a couple of days. As much as we do like your company, I know that some of you have to work on boxing day and you know the foreman at the mine frowns upon hangovers in the mine.

If you are thinking of getting presents for the children, they are saving up for that telescopic sights for their hunting rifles. If you all want to put in a few dollars for that, they’d all be most appreciative. I’m sure you’ll all agree that young Junior needs all the help he can get with his aim! Who can forget that mishap last Easter! I know Aunty Janet is still trying to clean the poop off her undies! Sorry Aunty Janet, but you have to admit, it was quite funny!

Well, we are looking forward to seeing all of you again!

Many Christmas Blessings and lots of Love,

Vidins Family.

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24 comments

  1. Rhiannon

    I would love if someone would send the “family letter” like this. Of course I have the friend whose dog is their child and their letter is full of her dog’s accomplishments. At least she has stopped comparing my child’s developmental milestones to that of her dog (I wish i was making that up)…. Thank you for a good laugh.

  2. Jenn

    This is the best Christmas letter ever! haha! I didn’t know what to think when I got the part about the prison sentence. lol And sharpening the ax LOL oh man, that’s funny. Good letter. I should write a very honest letter to my family. Lol! xx

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