You hear the term ‘communicate’ a lot when talking about healthy relationships. Communicate with your spouse. Communicate with your children. Communicate with your loved ones. Books, such as Robert Bolton’s timeless ‘People Skills’ is an excellent reference on the topic of communication.
Now I know I’m not the best at communicating – not in the spoken word anyway! So what is the modern tongue-tired guy to do, especially when engaged in conversation with his romantic partner?
He should use Nautical Flags.
Consider this. Why talk and use long words, when a simple flag would do the same job. When navigating the oceans of love, a man needs to send his partner clear, un-ambiguous signals on his thoughts and feelings. His needs, His desires.
Think about it.
Here’s some of the internationally recognised flags. See how they can apply to your relationship and really smooth things over in the communication department:
Nautical Code: I am taking in, discharging, or carrying dangerous cargo.
Relationship code: I’ve just eaten a kebab with garlic sauce and/or I’m about to drop a brown note.
Nautical Code: Yes.
Relationship Code: Says it all.
Nautical Code: I am manoeuvring with difficulty; keep clear.
Relationship code: Don’t talk to me while I move this heavy object and/or build this IKEA flat-pack
Nautical Code: I am directing my course starboard.
Relationship code: I’m taking a short-cut.
Nautical Code: I am disabled; communicate with me.
Relationship code: I just need to hear your sweet, sweet voice, my love
Nautical Code: I require a pilot.
Relationship code: Take me to bed
Nautical Code: I have a pilot on board.
Relationship code: I know where this night is headed (wink while waving this flag for extra effect)
Nautical Code: Coming alongside.
Relationship code: I’m about to give you a ‘no expectations’ hug, just because I fancy you.
Nautical Code: I am on fire and have dangerous cargo. Keep clear.
Relationship code: I’m super angry, possibly at you. Leave me alone for a bit to calm down.
Nautical Code: I wish to communicate with you.
Relationship code: I’m no longer waving the ‘Juliet’ flag and wish to resume waving other non-angry flags at you.
Nautical Code: My vessel is stopped; making no way.
Relationship code: I don’t want to go to IKEA, nor do I want to mow the backyard.
Nautical Code: No or negative.
Relationship code: No or negative.
Nautical Code: Man overboard.
Relationship code: Out with the boys. Don’t wait up for daddy.
Nautical Code: All personnel return to ship; proceeding to sea.
Relationship code: Everyone up to the table. Dinner is ready (can be used for children, too)
Nautical Code: Ship meets health regulations; request clearance into port.
Relationship code: My man-flu has thankfully eased and I am no longer at risk of immediate death. Come over here and kiss me like you mean it.
Nautical Code: None.
Relationship code: I’ve got no ideas on what you should do in that situation (a response to when your special lady friend asks for advice)
Nautical Code: Do not pass ahead of me.
Relationship code: I bags the toilet first when we get home.
Nautical Code: You are running into danger.
Relationship code: That’s really annoying me. Alternative meaning: concentrate on the road, honey.
Nautical Code: I require assistance.
Relationship code: Can you please make me breakfast?
Nautical Code: I require medical assistance.
Relationship code: Man-flu ahead. Look after me.
Nautical Code: I am dragging anchor.
Relationship code: This shopping trolley is heavy and I am board.
Nautical Code: I require a tug.
Relationship code: hmmmmm
Nautical Code: Stop carrying out your intentions and watch for my signals
Relationship code: Please, please, just be quiet and listen.
Nautical Code: Message is understood.
Relationship code: Yes dear.
After talking to some of the guys at work, it was evident that one flag was missing. One flag that almost every guy should have at his disposal. The one flag that will be hoisted often. The flag that gets hoisted when none other fits. That flag? The White Flag!
Best of luck, fellas!